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Chairlift Confessions: Powder Flu

[WARNING: This blog post is NSFW – Employees: if your boss sees you reading it, you can kiss your next powder day goodbye. Kids: do NOT let your parents see this unless they’re very cool, or already have the Powder Flu themselves. Read with caution]

You don’t want to be sick, right? But you do want the conditions to be sick out on the slopes. So what happens when you’re not sick, but the conditions are? Colorado Ski Country has the answer. It’s called the powder flu, and it’s extremely contagious around here.

Powder Flu infects hundreds of people every season, and seems to be directly related to the weather. Symptoms include sweaty palms, inability to concentrate, and strong desire for fresh mountain air. These symptoms begin to show themselves anywhere from one to six hours before first chair on a powder day. Most victims find the best treatment to be rigorous downhill travel in deep snow, with the occasional faceplant and always followed by a round of aprs ski cough syrup.

If you think you may be coming down with a case of powder flu, there are a few things you need to know. First, while you may not ever build any resistance to the strain, your employer will. Catching the powder flu for anything less than six inches of snow is considered reckless, and may result in an even worse condition, known as overtimeritis. Essentially, you don’t want to use up all your sick days on mild cases.

"Cough, cough. I think I might be getting sick..."

"Cough, cough. I think I might be getting sick…"

For kids still in school, Powder Flu brings up a few ethical dilemmas. First, can you get a sick-note, and second, how to acquire it. Typically you’re better off trying to get your parents in on the deal. (Parents: you do want to be the coolest parents on the block, don’t you?) If you don’t think your parents will believe you’re too sick for school, you’re gonna be forced to fake it, which is a much riskier proposition, and it can result in complete failure to catch the flu. Even worse, you could be grounded.

So what’s the solution? Simple. Refer them to this blog post, make them watch this video, and hope for the best. If that doesn’t work, I suggest you start practicing your cough. Good luck.

-Mountain Correspondent.